Letters

This is for you so called writers at Twisted Pulp Magazine. You people are sick! I am a well respected
reverend in Benton, Arkansas. I was having some one on one personal time with one of my alter boys and saw this filth in his possession! You fucking people are horrible! God damn it! You all are going to burn in hell! HELL!

~ Reverend Jim Stankhass

Dear Reverend Bob,

I’ll have you know I too am well known in Benton, Arkansas and that altar boys in Benton happens to be our target market and account for 99% of our sales around here. Don’t get between a lioness and her cub! Whoa to the Reverend that gets between a 3rd rate pulp magazine in a world where print is dead and said magazine’s money.

Dear Magazine people. I know you think you are high society folk, sipping your wine from a glass instead of a cup like the rest of us, but I am going help you realize you don’t lay golden eggs. I read your magazine every month and I’m tired of the hidden messages in the third word of every paragraph! I wasn’t going to buy the new issue, but my Dad’s dog Sam said to. One day, the giant eye in the sky is going shine it’s pink light on you and reveal the Alien inside that human skeleton!

Might as well join the club and shed your ugly human skins now!

Dear Bob,
Okay… there’s a lot to unpack here. First off, save the whales and drink wine from the bottle. Less pollution. Less dishes. Next, I do lay golden eggs. Finally, send the hidden message in with three proofs of purchase and you can get a Screaming Eye Press decoder ring.

Dear Editor, and Publisher of this periodical, I’m sorry to inform you but I’ll have to ask you to please stop this publication, or remove any indication or existence of the name. For it is in Trademark violation of my Save a leaf organization: LOTHAR J. TUPPAN SOCIETY. As human beings it is our duty to extend the life span of every leaf and that is why we have turned to the Greek God Lothar J. Tuppan for guidance. May Lothar have pity on your sorry souls for this unknown sin you have committed in his name.

Yours truly,

Marry Crakenpuss, President, Oakland chapter Lothar
J. Tuppan Leaf Preservation Society.

Dear Marry Craken-bob,

Lothar J. who?