Incident at the Lighthouse Audio Drama

Written by Pete Lutz

Genres: Crime, Horror, Psychological, Psychological Thriller

A night of drunken revelry turns into a horrific descent into madness when two prostitutes visit a remote French lighthouse.

INCIDENT IN THE LIGHTHOUSE 

An Audio Drama © 2019 by Pete Lutz 

Adapted from a Grand-Guignol Play 

by Leopold Marchand 

An Episode of “The Cellar” Series (E16) OPENING ANNOUNCEMENT, MUSIC. 

CELLAR SOUNDS. 

CADAVERA. [FILTERED FOR CELLAR] Hello again,  fiends! Welcome back to my beautiful Cellar!  You’ve caught me right at the tail-end of  practicing my new hobby! I want you to meet  “Little Zombina”, my ventriloquist’s dummy!  Say “hello” to our fiends, Zombina! [BEAT; DO  VOICE OF ZOMBINA AS IF YOU ARE SPEAKING  WITHOUT MOVING YOUR LIPS] “GRAINNNNNS!” …  [CHUCKLE] I’m afraid I’m still having trouble  speaking without moving my lips, so any words  that normally start with a “B” will sound like  they start with a “G” [HEH; BEAT]  “GRAINNNNNS!” You know, perhaps I can take  advantage of this difficulty and say that  Zombina is a vegetarian zombie! … [CHUCKLE;  ZOMBINA GROWLS] “R-R-R-R-R-R!”… [CHUCKLE;  PAUSE] Whoops! She doesn’t like that idea! [HA  HA] Well, enough of that for now! I know you  didn’t come down here to have your “grains” 

messily devoured, eh? [CHUCKLE] You came for  a story, and I happen to have a particularly  putrescent one for you, here in my great big  book – 

SFX. Long squeak of book as it opens. 

CADAVERA. [COUGHS FROM DUST STIRRED UP BY  BOOK] Now, let’s see… [COFF] Ah, here we  are. Hm-m-m. So, tonight we bring you a tale that veers off into extreme violence, sexual  situations and adult language. So that’s a  dire warning for you, and pretty much ear candy for Cadavera! [CHUCKLE] It’s an  adaptation of a classic play from the Grand Guignol (grahn gheen-nyol) Theatre of Paris.  The action takes place in a seaside village, and a lighthouse on the Breton (brEH-tuhn)  coast of France, in the early 20^th century. Are  you ready? Just listen …

THEME UP, SUSTAIN, FADE UNDER. 

SCENE 1. EXT. – BRETON VILLAGE, BY CHURCH. 

SFX. Early morning village sounds, fade in.  Then bring up footsteps of two women in heels,  on cobblestone footpath. It is FLEUR and  LISETTE, two prostitutes on their way home for  the day. 

FLEUR. [A BIT WHINY, TIRED] Ach, Lisette! I am  exhausted! I want to go home to bed! The Fleet  is in, and I feel as if every sailor in Breton  had his way with me last night. 

LISETTE. [TIRED, TOO, BUT CHEERFUL] Oui,  Fleur, oui, we shall go home, but give me a  few minutes at the church. Today was my  sister’s birthday, and I wish to light a  candle for her memory. I do it every year. 

FLEUR. I didn’t know you had a sister. 

LISETTE. She left us young. The grippe, I  think. Today she would have been 17. 

FLEUR. And you would probably be showing her  the ropes, eh? [CHUCKLES] 

LISETTE. [PROTEST] No! No, she was a good  girl. She would not have become a whore. 

FLEUR. All right, all right.  

LISETTE. And if she had lived, maybe I would  not have become one, either. 

FLEUR. I would have. I love money, and I love  fucking. 

LISETTE. Some of the men are beasts! I hate  when they slap me around. 

FLEUR. I like it sometimes. [CHUCKLE] Makes  things spicy, eh? 

LISETTE. Fleur! We are at the door of the  church! Sshh! Mind your tongue.

FLEUR. Ehh, I’m already going to hell, and god  invented language, so that means he invented  those words, too. Ha! 

LISETTE. Come in with me. Help me choose a  candle for my baby sister. 

FLEUR. All right. But let’s make it quick,  with no long, boring prayers. I need sleep,  not god. 

LISETTE. Yes, yes, all right. Just mind your  language inside, the priest might be around. 

SCENE 2. INT. – CHURCH. 

SFX. Heavy door opens, like a medieval church  door. FLEUR and LISETTE step inside. Their  footsteps now have reverb as they walk down  the aisle. The women are silent as they  approach. 

LISETTE. Almost all of them are lit already. 

FLEUR. [AS IF LOOKING] Umm-m-m-m … there’s  one. 

LISETTE. Merci. [BEAT] Do you have any coins? FLEUR. For what? 

LISETTE. For the blessing! Just a franc, if  you have it. Drop it in the box. 

FLEUR. Ugh, why does everything cost money?  [MUTTERS] You’d think in a church, something  would just be available … 

SFX. During the above, FLEUR has been digging  in her shoulder bag, then she drops a coin in  a metal box. LISETTE lights a match, then the  candle, and places it in the rack. 

LISETTE. [CROSSES HERSELF, WHISPERS A QUICK  PRAYER IN FRENCH] 

SFX. Slow, determined footsteps approach [with  reverb].

FLEUR. [HARSH WHISPER] Hurry up! The fucking  priest is coming! 

PRIEST. Good morning, my daughters. I wish you  a happy feast day. 

LISETTE. [VERY RESPECTFUL] Good morning,  Father. Thank you very much, and likewise. 

FLEUR. [BLUNTLY] Feast day? Whose feast? LISETTE. Fleur! Ssshh! 

FLEUR. You ssshh! 

PRIEST. Today is the feast day of Saint  Columba, the Virgin. 

FLEUR. [GIGGLES AT “VIRGIN”] 

PRIEST. Hm? 

LISETTE. It’s nothing, Father, nothing. Fleur! 

FLEUR. [ALMOST A WHISPER] Do you think our  friend here is a virgin? [LASCIVIOUS CHUCKLE]  Do you think he’s wearing anything under that  cassock, Lisette?  

PRIEST. I’m sorry, what – ? 

LISETTE. [GETTING THEM OUT OF THERE] Thank  you, Father, we must go now, but will there be  a celebration later? 

PRIEST. Indeed, my child. Right outside the  chapel doors. The street will be full of  revelers, I’m sure. Will I see you then? 

FLEUR. [MUTTERS] If we wake up in time. PRIEST. Hm? 

LISETTE. Nothing, Father, it’s nothing. We’ll  try to come back later. Good-bye! 

PRIEST. Yes, I look forward to seeing, um,  both of you, later. Good morning, and may god  bless you.

SFX. FLEUR’s and LISETTE’s footsteps ring on  the stone floor as they depart.  

FLEUR IS HAVING A GIGGLING FIT, LISETTE TRIES  TO SHUSH HER THE WHOLE WAY OUT. 

SFX. Street door squeaks open, shuts. They are  outside again. 

SCENE 3. EXT – OUTSIDE THE CHURCH. 

LISETTE. Ach! You are evil!  

FLEUR. [FINALLY LETS GO WITH LAUGHTER, SEVERAL  LONG SECONDS. HER WORDS ARE INTERSPERSED WITH  LAUGHTER, GASPS, AS SHE TRIES TO GET THEM OUT]  Did – you see – the look – on his – fat face?  He couldn’t – decide – whether to – shit or go  – blind! [SHE IS REDUCED TO GASPS AS SHE TRIES  TO CATCH HER BREATH] 

LISETTE. It wasn’t that funny. You shouldn’t  insult a man of god! [PAUSE; SHE STANDS A FEW  MORE MOMENTS, LISTENING TO FLEUR’S LAUGHTER]  I’m going home. You can stay here with your  blasphemous laughter if you want, but I’m  going home! 

SFX. LISETTE’s footsteps ring on the cobbles  as she huffs away. 

FLEUR. Go on then, see if I care! [LAUGHS;  CALLING OUT] Sunday virgin! Don’t deceive  yourself! You’re going to hell, too, same as  me! [LAUGHS, FADE OUT] 

STING. 

SCENE 4. EXT – ON CATWALK OF LIGHTHOUSE. 

SFX. Light wind, waves, seagulls, establish,  fade down but sustain. Over the water comes  the sound of the festival in the village, some  distance away, sustain. 

ACHILLE. Ah, you hear that, Remy? The festival  is well underway. 

REMY. [ABSENTLY] Hm? Oh, yes, the festival.  Nice.

ACHILLE. It’s a lovely day for it! Probably go  on for hours yet. 

REMY. Yes. 

ACHILLE. A nice boy could meet a nice girl  there, eh? 

REMY. Eh? [EMBARRASSED] Yes, if you say so. 

ACHILLE. I can handle things here, why don’t  you go? 

REMY. Achille, I’ve already told you – 

ACHILLE. Yes, yes, maybe next year. Such a shy  youngster! Why, in my time, the feast day of  St. Columba was the biggest, brightest, most  wonderful day of the year! So many people, so 

much food, so much drink, and oh! The laughter  of the pretty girls as they strolled by – 

REMY. Yes. So you’ve told me. 

ACHILLE. I’m an old man now, but it does my  heart good to think about those days. It did  then and it does now – to remember the smile,  the laughter of a pretty girl. [BEAT; QUIETLY,  CONCERNED] You like girls, don’t you, Remy? 

REMY. [OFFENDED] Why, of course I do! 

ACHILLE. All right, all right! [CHUCKLE] No  need to bite my head off. It makes me no never mind. Live and let live, I say. Oh, say,  talking to you about girls reminds me. I saw  Padrig in town the other night. His ship is in port. Have you seen him yet? 

REMY. Yes. He said he was coming here this  afternoon. 

ACHILLE. That brother of yours! Ha! Now,  there’s a boy never had any trouble getting  the girls. Why, when I saw him in town, he had  a pretty one on each arm, and they were feeding  him pommes frites! He’s a character, that  one…

REMY. [WISTFUL] Mother always said that Padrig got all of Papa’s charm, and I got all of her  stubbornness.  

ACHILLE. Is that a bad thing? 

REMY. Bad? No, I suppose not. We’ve always  looked after each other. He’s not as devout as  I am, but, as he likes to say, I pray enough  for both of us. 

ACHILLE. Good! Brothers should always [look  after each other] 

PADRIG. [DISTANT, SHOUTING] Ahoy there! Remy!  Hello! 

REMY. There he is now! Padrig! Bonjour! 

ACHILLE. And he’s got those two girls with him  again! 

REMY. [SLIGHTLY OFF-MIC] Not the same ones – 

ACHILLE. – As the other night, oui! Oh, la la! A brunette and a blonde, Remy! Which one  will you take, eh? Eh, Remy? Oh, he’s already  gone downstairs …  

SFX. Fade out sounds. 

STING. 

SCENE 5. INT – INSIDE LIGHTHOUSE. 

REMY. Hey! 

PADRIG. Hey! [THEY EMBRACE, POUND EACH OTHER’S  BACKS A FEW MOMENTS, LAUGH] 

REMY. I’m so glad you made it, I’ve got  wonderful news! 

PADRIG. Hold that thought, brother – I’ve got  heavy gifts that are tearing my arms off, and  then I’ll hear the news, OK? 

REMY. Yes, of course. Gifts? Those bags look  about to burst, let me help you.

PADRIG. I’ve got ’em, let me just set ’em down.  [HE DOES SO] Ah. OK, little brother. Hold out  your hands. 

REMY. All right. [SMILING] Do you want me to  shut my eyes, too? 

PADRIG. Only if you want to. Here. And  another. 

REMY. What? Brandy! Two bottles?  

PADRIG. Four – two more in this one. These are  for your friend the Lighthouse Keeper. 

REMY. Oh, how nice! [CALLING] Achille! Come  down, Padrig has a present for you! 

ACHILLE. [DISTANT] I’m on my way. Hello,  Padrig! [AT MIC] For me? I’m touched. This is  very generous of you. 

PADRIG. It’s nothing, don’t mention it. The  nights are getting colder, eh? [CHUCKLE] 

ACHILLE. Ha ha, mais oui! At my age, I can  never seem to get warm enough. [AS HE WALKS  AWAY] Merci, Padrig. Beaucoups merci.  

PADRIG. Enjoy yourself, my friend. [BEAT] And  now, Remy, hold out your hands again. And this  time, do shut your eyes. 

REMY. All right. What is it, more booze? 

PADRIG. No. Something you’ll like better, I  think. OK, open up. 

REMY. What is – [GASP; VERY PLEASED] Oh-h-h h, Padrig! A figurine of the Holy Virgin!  Merci, merci, a thousand thanks! She is  beautiful! Where did you find her? 

PADRIG. A little shop in Casablanca, or  Phillipeville, I can’t remember. I’ve been  hoping you’ll like it. 

REMY. Like it? I love it! I know just the spot  to place her, too – a place of honor.

PADRIG. Great. And now, I have two more gifts  for you. Well – one for you, and one for me.  They’re waiting outside.  

REMY. Did those girls help you carry them?  

PADRIG. Those girls are them! Go and let them  in! 

REMY. What? What do you mean? 

PADRIG. Well, since you won’t go to the  festival, little one, I am bringing the  festival to us! Ha, ha! Open the door, Remy!  I’m sure they’re tired of standing out there. 

REMY. [QUIETLY. DISAPPOINTED] Oh, um. Well. I  – um – [SIGH] all right. 

SFX. REMY walks to door, opens it. 

REMY. Hello, um, ladies. Won’t you please come  in? 

LISETTE. Merci, m’sieur. 

FLEUR. We thought you’d never let us in! SFX. THE GIRLS enter. REMY shuts the door. 

ACHILLE. [DISTANT; HE IS FEELING NO PAIN]  Bonjour, mam’selles! 

GIRLS ad-lib familiar greetings to ACHILLE. 

REMY. [LOW TONES] Padrig, I need to tell you  the news I mentioned – 

PADRIG. Yes, of course, tell me in just a  minute. First, let me introduce my friends!  This is Fleur [HE MAKES A SOUND AS IF HE IS  SQUEEZING HER], she’s mine – 

FLEUR. [SULTRY LAUGH] 

PADRIG. Eh? Ha, ha! Oui, and this beautiful  young thing is Lisette. She’s yours. 

LISETTE. Bonjour, Remy.

REMY. [QUIETLY, SHYLY] Hello. 

LISETTE. Padrig has told us so much about you.  PADRIG. All of it good, I swear, brother! [PADRIG, FLEUR and LISETTE laugh] 

REMY. Oh. That’s nice. Thank you. 

PADRIG. Who wants a drink? 

FLEUR. Me! 

LISETTE. Yes, thanks. 

REMY. [SNATCHING THE OPPORTUNITY] Padrig, why  don’t you come to the kitchen with me and help  me get glasses for our – our guests? 

PADRIG. [HE HAS JUST SWIGGED OUT OF A BOTTLE]  Eh? Glasses? Oh, sure. Be right back, girls. 

REMY. Excuse us, please. 

SFX. REMY and PADRIG exit. 

FLEUR. [AFTER FOOTSTEPS RECEDE] Well, what do  you think? 

PADRIG. [DISTANT; UNDER] Where do you keep  your glasses? 

LISETTE. Of the younger one? He’s very  handsome. 

REMY. [DISTANT; UNDER, FADE OUT] I’ve got  glasses right here, but listen… 

FLEUR. But like a kitten! He’s obviously a  virgin. 

LISETTE. Well, then, perhaps he’ll be gentle  with me. I’m not like you, I don’t [like] – 

FLEUR. Yes, I know, you don’t have to tell me  again, you don’t like the rough stuff. Hm. I  almost wish we could trade. Been a long time  since I deflowered a virgin boy. [CHUCKLE;  BEGIN FADE] What’s that you’re looking at?

CROSS-FADE TO KITCHEN. 

PADRIG. [FADE IN] Where do you keep your  glasses? 

SFX. Opening, shutting cupboard doors. 

REMY. I’ve got glasses right here, but listen  – Mother sent a wire, she’s coming home  tonight. 

PADRIG. Coming home? Where is she? 

REMY. [CHUCKLES] You have been away awhile. This is the time of year she goes to England  to visit Aunt Mildred.  

PADRIG. Sorry, yes, how stupid of me. 

REMY. I thought we could go to the docks and  meet her. She’ll be coming in on the S.S.  ‘Jules Verne’ about nine. 

PADRIG. Yes, that’s wonderful. What time is it  now? 

REMY. Just a little past three. 

PADRIG. Excellent! We’ve got six hours to get  drunk, get laid, and then go kiss our dear  mother! [ROARS WITH LAUGHTER] 

REMY. [WHILE PADRIG LAUGHS] Um…yes. CROSS-FADE TO OTHER ROOM. 

FLEUR. [FADE-IN] …since I deflowered a  virgin boy. What’s that you’re looking at? 

LISETTE. It’s a little statuette, looks like  the Virgin Mary. Remy put it down here on the  table. 

SFX. Footsteps of REMY are quick, PADRIG’s a  little slower. 

FLEUR. Huh? [DERISIVE LAUGHTER] It looks like  our madam at the whorehouse!

REMY. [SUDDENLY THERE] Give me that! How dare  you say that! This is the Blessed Virgin! And  on top of that, it was a gift from my brother! 

FLEUR. Well, don’t get all tied up in knots!  

LISETTE. Fleur! What have I told you about  your irreverent talk? 

FLEUR. Screw you, Lisette! Can I help it if  that thing looks like our madam? 

REMY. [SHOCKED REACTION] 

PADRIG. Hey, now, everybody! Settle down!  

REMY. Did you hear what she said? She insulted  your gift! She insulted my faith! 

PADRIG. Fleur, you can’t talk to my brother  that way – 

FLEUR. Oh, give me a fucking drink. SFX. FLEUR walks off toward ACHILLE.  REMY’S upset breathing can still be heard. 

LISETTE. I’m sorry, boys. She doesn’t mean any  harm.  

FLEUR. [DISTANT; TO ACHILLE] Pass me up the  bottle, old man. 

ACHILLE. [DISTANT; DRUNK NOW] Certainement,  mam’selle! While you are enjoying that, my  dear, I think I shall go fetch my mandolin.  

[CALLING TO REMY] What about some music, Remy?  I’ll fetch my mandolin, eh? 

REMY. Yes, yes. Fine. Anything. 

PADRIG. Fine! Yes, and we can dance! ALL MAKE SOUNDS OF AGREEMENT, FADE QUICKLY. STING. 

FADE IN MANDOLIN STRUMMING, NOT ALL THAT  STEADY.

SFX. Two couples, dancing in different degrees  of sobriety. 

FLEUR and PADRIG laugh and drink as they  dance. The others are quiet. 

FLEUR. [DRINKS, THEN MAKES AN IRRITATED NOISE]  Ugh! My feet hurt. Are we going to dance to  that old man’s horrid plunking, or are we  going to screw?  

ACHILLE plays on, oblivious. 

PADRIG. [LAUGHS DRUNKENLY] And I suppose you  want to put on a show for the old man? 

FLEUR. [LASCIVIOUSLY] He can watch if he  wants. 

MANDOLIN MUSIC STOPS, DISCORDANT. 

ACHILLE. Ha, ha! In my youth, I might have  enjoyed such a thing. No, this is none of my  business. [AS HE DEPARTS] You all do what it  is young people do, and I shall take my last  bottle and go upstairs. Remy, remember your  duty later! 

REMY. I’ll see you later, Achille! Well, no  more dancing, I suppose. What do you want to  do now, Lisette? 

LISETTE. I’d like to do what Fleur and your  brother are doing.  

BY THIS TIME, FLEUR AND PADRIG ARE KISSING  FRANTICALLY AND NOISILY. AD LIB SOUNDS OF  PLEASURE. CONTINUES IN BG. 

REMY. Oh… 

LISETTE. Come over to the chair? 

REMY. All right. 

SFX. Sounds of REMY sitting in stuffed chair,  LISETTE sitting on his lap. She kisses him  twice.

LISETTE. You like that? 

REMY. Yes, it’s very nice. But I’m – I’m not  experienced. 

LISETTE. That’s OK. I like that about you. REMY. You do? 

LISETTE. Oh, yes. Don’t worry, I won’t – oh!  I’ve never seen a medallion like this. Who is  it? 

REMY. It’s Saint Venerius [VEN-a-RYE-us].  Patron saint of lighthouse keepers.  

LISETTE. You’re very religious, aren’t you? REMY. I try to be. Are you? 

LISETTE. Religious? I think so. I go to mass  a few times a month, when I haven’t been up  too late on a Saturday night. But I don’t go  to confession much. It’d take too long!  [LAUGHTER] 

REMY. [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY, AS IF HE DOESN’T KNOW  WHY] 

LISETTE. Oh, you’re very sweet. [KISS] Fleur  isn’t religious at all. [GIGGLE] In fact, this  morning, she said horrible things to the  priest! 

FLEUR. [SHE OVERHEARS THIS AND CALLS, OFF-MIC]  That’s right! [SHE’S DRUNK AND HORNY BY THIS  TIME] That priest is a fucking pervert!  

FLEUR LAUGHS, THEN PADRIG DOES, TOO. THEY GO  BACK TO KISSING AND PETTING. 

REMY. [SHOCKED] She shouldn’t say such things!  A priest is a man of god! [HIS PROTESTS ARE  SILENCED BY LISETTE’S LIPS] 

IN BACKGROUND, FLEUR AND PADRIG AD LIB SEX  TALK. SHE LIKES IT ROUGH SO SHE SHOULD BE  GIVING HIM INSTRUCTIONS ON WHAT TO DO TO HER.  PADRIG SHOULD BE GRUNTING AND AGREEING. THIS  SHOULD BE SUSTAINED FOR QUITE A WHILE.

LISETTE. [AROUSED AFTER HEARING THE OTHER  COUPLE MAKING LOVE; HER VOICE IS HUSKY AND  QUICK] Remy, help me take off my clothes. I  want you, baby. Take me. Yes, take your pants  off. Yes, now, sit down again. Oh, Remy, look  at you! 

MUSIC SNEAKS IN UNDER. 

REMY. Is it – is it bad? 

LISETTE. Oh, no, it’s perfect. Let me get on  top … 

MUSIC SWELLS, TRANSITION. 

SCENE 6. INT – LIGHTHOUSE. 

SFX. Loud crash of thunder (filtered). There’s  a storm going on outside. 

ALL BEGIN TO AD-LIB SOUNDS OF WAKING UP AFTER  A NIGHT OF DRUNKEN SEX. MENTION “WHAT TIME IS  IT?” AND “IT’S SO DARK IN HERE”, ETC. 

PADRIG. [JOVIALLY] Better get up, little  brother. Time to go to work! 

REMY. [GROGGY] What? What’s the time? Somebody  light a candle. Sounds like a storm’s picking  up outside. 

SFX. Striking match, lighting candle. 

GIRLS AD-LIB FINDING THEIR CLOTHES, PUTTING  THEM ON, COMPLAINING ABOUT THE DARK. 

PADRIG. It’s black as pitch in here, so it  must be full-on night. Can I help you? What do  you need [to do]? 

SFX. Distant ship’s whistle, long. Repeat  sporadically throughout following. 

REMY. Ssshh! Do you hear? A ship is  approaching the coast! [CALLING] Achille!  Achille! Have you lighted the beacon? [BEAT]  Padrig, stick your head outside and check for the light – ACHILLE! Oh-h-h, I’ve got to go up  and check on him. 

SFX. REMY trots across room, starts up the  stairs. We hear fierce wind as PADRIG opens  the door, cut off or muffled as he shuts it. 

PADRIG. [OFF-MIC] It’s black as pitch out  there, too! 

SFX. REMY arrives at door, knocks in  increasing panic. [Ship’s whistle is still  blowing occasionally] 

REMY. Achille! Let me in, I’ve got to light  the beacon! Achille! Wake up, you drunken  fool! 

SFX. PADRIG has been climbing the stairs  during the above. 

PADRIG. Is this Achille’s room? 

REMY. Yes, and we have to go through it to get  up to the beacon! Achille has locked it and he  must be passed out on the other side! Damn  him! 

PADRIG. This is quite a heavy door. I doubt I  could break through it. Do you have an axe? 

REMY. No. Achille! Wake up! Oh, it’s no use.  Padrig: The outside stairs! They lead up to  the catwalk – we might get in that way! 

PADRIG. Let’s give it a try – that ship sounds  like it’s getting closer! 

STING. 

SCENE 7. EXT. – CATWALK OF LIGHTHOUSE. 

SFX. Storm sounds. Fade in last few steps of  footsteps ringing on wooden stairs, then on  catwalk. REMY rattles door handle, which is  locked. 

BOTH MEN ARE SPEAKING ABOVE THE SOUND OF THE  STORM.

REMY. No, no, no, NO! Achille, why would you  lock this door! Oh, you old idiot! Why! 

PADRIG. Can you break one of the glass panels? 

REMY. No! Not in this storm! The wind and rain  would snuff it out! There has to be another  way!  

PADRIG. Remy, I can see the ship. It’s  definitely getting closer to the shoreline! I  can’t make out the name from here, though. 

REMY. [HIS VOICE IS TIGHT] Binoculars on a  hook, right behind you. 

PADRIG. OK. [BEAT] Let me see…it’s the S.S.  …Jules Verne…[SHORT GASP] 

REMY. Mother! Oh my god!  

PADRIG. What can we do? We can’t let her ship  crash! 

REMY. Padrig, this is the whores’ fault! PADRIG. What?! How do you figure? 

REMY. If they hadn’t come here, we wouldn’t be  in this predicament! Their sin has cursed us! 

PADRIG. Don’t be ridiculous! 

REMY. Only one thing to do now, we must pray. PADRIG. Pray? What are you [talking] – 

REMY. There’s a reason you brought me that  figurine today – so we could save our mother!  Come on, hurry! 

SFX. REMY rushes downstairs.  

PADRIG. Remy, wait! [MUTTERS] Oh, for Christ’s  sake… 

STING. 

SCENE 8. INT – DOWNSTAIRS AT LIGHTHOUSE.

SFX. Door opens, we hear storm, door shuts,  it’s muffled. REMY and PADRIG walk across the  room.  

FLEUR and LISETTE are making love, we hear  their moans and other sounds. FLEUR cries out  when REMY grabs her by the hair. 

FLEUR. [SHRIEK] Let go! My hair! Let go! [MORE  SHRIEKS OF PAIN; “OOF” AS SHE IS DROPPED TO  FLOOR] 

REMY. Get dressed and get out! You are agents  of sin and of the devil! I will not pray to  the Holy Virgin with the likes of you in the  room! 

PADRIG. Remy – 

FLEUR. What the fuck are you babbling about? LISETTE. Remy, what? What do you [mean]? 

REMY. It’s true, I know it! If you had not  come here, Achille would not have gone  upstairs and locked himself in, he would not  have passed out from the wine, [X] and we would  not be hearing the frantic whistle of our  mother’s ship! You are both evil women! Get  out!  

FLEUR. [HARSH, SARCASTIC LAUGHTER BEGINS AT X  ABOVE] 

REMY. What! Why do you laugh? 

FLEUR. Because you are a child! Lisette tried  to make a man out of you, to pop your cherry,  but here you are, still a little boy who  believes in fairy tales! [SCOFF] There is no  god, and there is no devil, little boy!  [HAHAHAHA] 

LISETTE. Fleur, no! Don’t say such things! 

REMY. I won’t listen to you, whore! You  brought this evil to us! I must pray, I must  ask the Sainted Virgin to intercede! I must – where is it? Where is the figurine? Padrig,  where is the [figurine] – ?

FLEUR. It was your brother that brought us  here, and that brought the brandy! Why is he blameless? 

PADRIG. Shut your fucking mouth! 

REMY. You stole the figurine! My brother’s  gift to me – the Blessed Virgin! You stole it!  

LISETTE. Fleur, did you steal it? 

FLEUR. I didn’t steal it, I was borrowing it  – you were having a pretty good time of me  running it in and out of your cunny! [LAUGHS,  AND HER LAUGHTER CONTINUES UNTIL X.] 

LISETTE. [SHOCKED GASP] 

REMY. You sinful beast! Agent of Satan! You  have killed our mother with your evil acts! I  must rid this place of your sin! [HE GRUNTS AS  HE GRABS HER AND DRAWS HIS KNIFE ACROSS HER  THROAT] [X] 

FLEUR. [SHOCKED GASP, THEN A MOAN AS HER  THROAT IS CUT] 

SFX. Sharp knife drawn across FLEUR’s throat,  blood spurting, dripping. FLEUR’s corpse falls  to floor. 

LISETTE SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER. 

PADRIG SHOUTS EXCITEDLY, ANGRILY AT REMY. AMONG OTHER THINGS, HE TELLS REMY NOT TO THROW  THE DEAD GIRL OUT THE WINDOW. 

REMY GRUNTS AS HE THROWS HER OUT WINDOW. 

SFX. Window opens (on hinges), storm and wind  sounds, window shuts and latches. 

REMY. Shut up, shut up, whore! [SLAP] You’re  just as bad as the other one! [HE GRUNTS AS HE  THROTTLES HER] 

LISETTE. [REACTS TO SLAP, THEN CHOKING SOUNDS, THEN SHE PASSES OUT]

PADRIG. Damn it, Remy, have you gone mad? What  are you doing? 

REMY. Up – you – go! [HE HAS SLUNG LISETTE  OVER HIS SHOULDER] Padrig, follow me up to the  catwalk after you grab the big jug from the  cupboard under the stairs! 

PADRIG. But – I – but – 

REMY. [NOW VERY MUCH IN CHARGE] Don’t argue  with me, brother! Grab it and follow me up! I  need your help now! 

STING. 

SCENE 9. EXT. – CATWALK. 

SFX. Storm, wind, rain. REMY drops LISETTE’s  unconscious form to the catwalk. He starts  tying lengths of rope to her wrists. A few  moments later, PADRIG trudges up to the top,  and sets the jug down. 

BOTH MEN SPEAK OVER THE SOUND OF THE STORM. 

PADRIG. What’s this, Remy? Why are you tying  line around her wrists?  

REMY. [FINISHING] Ah! There! Help me, before  she wakes up! Nothing matters but that we save  our mother, and the other people on that ship!  Take her other arm, pick her up. We need to  tie her arms to the rail after we dangle her  over it. Don’t just stand there! Pick her up! 

PADRIG. [COWED BY HIS FIERCENESS] All right.  

THE TWO GRUNT WITH THE EFFORT OF HAULING HER  OVER, THEN MAKE NOISES AS THEY TIE OFF HER  WRISTS TO THE RAIL. 

SFX. Appropriate noises to match above. 

REMY. Give me the jug. Uh! Take out the  stopper. 

SFX. Cork pulled out of big earthenware jug.  Then, at X, liquid splashing.

PADRIG. What is this stuff? 

REMY. Lamp oil! [X] 

PADRIG. Lamp – oh, my god! 

THE COLD OIL SPLASHING ON LISETTE BRINGS HER  BACK TO CONSCIOUSNESS. SHE MOANS A LITTLE,  ASKS WHAT’S HAPPENING, ETC. 

REMY. Lisette, you are getting a chance at  redemption! Your sin brought a curse, but now  you will save our mother! Thank you! 

PADRIG. [AFTER MATCH STRIKES] Remy! Don’t! 

SFX. Striking a match, then a WHOOMP! as  LISETTE catches fire. Crackling of flames  continues until end. 

LISETTE. [HORRIBLE SCREAMS AS SHE IS  INCINERATED, CONTINUING UNTIL CLOSE TO THE  END, WHERE THEY BECOME WHIMPERS.] 

SFX. Ship toots signal of thanks, then a long  blast. 

REMY. Aha! They see us! They see us! Mother is  saved! Hurrah! Padrig, we have saved her!  

PADRIG. [INCOHERENT GRUNTS AS HE IS IN SHOCK] 

REMY. Come below with me, my brother, and let  us pray to god in great thanks for this  miracle! [BEGIN FADE OF VOICES AND ALL NOISES]  Padrig, give me your hand. Come with me, yes,  that’s right… 

MUSIC SNEAKS IN ABOVE, SWELLS, FADES. BRING UP “CELLAR” NOISES 

CADAVERA. [ZOMBINA VOICE, FADE IN]  “DRAAAAAAINNZ! DRAAAAAAINNZ!” That’s very  good, Zombina — oh, hello! You’re back, I  see. [CHUCKLE] I have been working so hard on  this trick of talking without moving my lips,  and now, instead of my B’s sounding like G’s,  they sound…[AHEM] like D’s. But! I am  assured this is an improvement! Say something nice to the people, Zombina! [BEAT]  “DRAAAAAAINNZ!” What do you think, fiends?  [HEH] Perhaps now, my sweet little Zombina  could be an undead plumber, eh? [ANNOUNCER 

TYPE VOICE] Got something evil, clogging your  pipes? Call for “Little Zombina”! [ZOMBINA  VOICE] “DRAAAAAAINNZ!” [LAUGHTER] That was  “Incident in The Lighthouse”, episode sixteen  of “The Cellar”, adapted for audio by Pete  Lutz, from a Grand-Guignol play by Leopold  Marchand. The source material was Mel Gordon’s  wonderful book, “The Grand Guignol: Theatre of  Fear and Terror.” (Mmm, sounds like my kind of  book, eh? Ha!) And I, of course, am your hostly  ghost – um, your ghostly host, Cadavera  Quivry! [CHUCKLE] So! Until next time, fiends  – remember, don’t take candy from stranglers!  [LONG LAUGHTER, FADE OUT] 

THEME OUT. 

ANNOUNCER. The Cellar is produced and directed  by Pete Lutz. The theme was composed and  performed by Tom Rory Parsons. Our cast  consisted of the following players:  

Kristy Glick as FLEUR 

Jessica Mathews as LISETTE 

Chuck Wilson as THE PRIEST  

Cary Michael Ayers as ACHILLE 

Jordan Bruster as REMY and  

Les Marsden as PADRIG 

Cadavera Quivry is played by Angela Young.  

This is _____ speaking. “The Cellar” is a 63audio (sixty-three-audio) Production, mixed  and mastered in Corpus Christi, Texas. Join us  next time, when Cadavera takes us to the  lighter side of horror, in Pete Lutz’s  hilarious tale of science-run-amok! Here’s a  scene from that episode. [BEAT] That’s “The  Second Helping”, next time on…THE CELLAR! 

END OF PLAY.