Letters

Dear editors and staff,

I am a mother of three and my eldest son is 13. I was recently cleaning his room and found this filthy magazine! You guys have the nerve to put this kind of stuff out! I immediately punished him as soon as I flipped through it.

However, later that night I found an article that kind of tickled my bean a little. Let’s just say I found it quite erotic. I haven’t felt this hot and heavy since my husband left me for a meth dealer over three years ago. Anyhow, I would like to subscribe to you guys under my name from here on out. Thank you for invigorating my life and making me feel like a woman again.

Love,

Bob Thurman

Dear Bob,

If I had dime for evertime I heard that exact same story I’d… well, let’s just put it this way. I’d have one dime.

Editorial Staff

Dear Editors,

I am not bowled over by zine. Yes. Zine. As in fanzine. In no way is it professional, smart, or funny. I do not understand any of the so-called jokes, nor is any of the writing better than a four month old mentally challenged orangutan. The art in it is so-so. The font hurts my eyes and the basic white background is ludicrous.

However the spine of your book calms me down and the paper used to print on excites me to no tomorrow. Kudos for that.

I would love to come your houses and discuss the magazine further. Just to let you know, I am very good at getting around locked doors and alarms of all kinds.

Sincerely,

Charles Scrotembreath De’Barre III.

Dear Bob,

Looking forward to you stopping by and the boys in Research & Development will be very pleased to hear that all that work they put into the spine achieved the desired effect.

Editorial Staff