Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return – A Sequel No One Asked For

The latest and most horrifying chapter…

Buttonface Says…

The Children of the Corn have all grown up and are as evil as ever. A young girl, who’s mother escaped the town years ago, has returned to discover the truth about her past. Instead, she finds Isaac, now a middle aged little person and his girlfriend/cop/sidekick doing her best impression of the crazy German chick that hangs with Doctor Evil in the Austin powers series.

HAS BRANDING GONE TOO FAR? I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL WERE THESE GUYS THINKING?

Somewhere in some little low budget movie office some guy had the grand revelation that bringing back Isaac was the story’s conclusion that generations of Children of the Corn fans have been waiting for. As far as I can tell… I’m the only one on the planet that even slightly cares.

Another funny part about this movie, and series, is that they always make a big deal over the fact that it’s based on a Steven King story. It’s funny that they have based well over half a dozen films on one short story. My dearly departed mother, The Invisible Mrs. Buttonface, used to joke about movies being based on a Stephen king post-it-note, so it at least has some nostalgic memories for me.

This movie is an oddly brooding drama piece made with the budget of a single episode of the television show Friday the 13th The Series. Christ, if you’re a total loser, like I am, this is a necessary stage in the Children of the Corn series’s evolution. .. if your a normal person with any degree of self respect… I suggest you run for the hills.

I am a bit surprised they got Stacy Keach in on this one. I like him so much he may have made it worth while.

A SECOND GO AT THIS FLICK

“You have faith the planets revolve around the sun, faith that the seeds become the corn we harvest… You know nothing… Buddha, Gandhi, even Jesus Christ had visions of a perfect world… My vision is absolute!”

Isaac

When I finally got to the end of the staggering number Children of the Corn sequels I re-watched the first one, which I hadn’t seen since the 90’s.

I enjoyed it all over again and thought it was great. Particularly, I thought Malachi and Isaac were awesome.

Seeing how my last review of Children of the Corn 666 was so poor, and I found out that John Franklin, the actor that played Isaac, wrote the script with his cousin, I thought maybe I should check it out again. I watched it again and tried with all my might to retain an open mind.

THE RESULTS

I hate to say this but, it was even worse. Frankly, the mere concept of the Children of the Corn all grown up and adults now I find to be ridiculous.

So the review of the movie still is that it is a pathetic attempt at creating a low budget horror film. As a result I think it belongs on the list of stinkers; one of the worst movies of all time. Mainly because I give no leeway to a truly terrible low budget horror film. I mean, we all go into these things expecting something terrible… when it comes out worse… we’ll I’m not really sure what to say.

Except this. To the actor that played Isaac I think I apologize. I’m sure your heart was in the right place but, it just couldn’t save this film. Just to put an exclamation point on it, this movie was so bad it made children of the corn: Urban Harvest look awesome… and that ain’t easy.

But, maybe when I watch it again I’ll like it bettter.