On The Streets of Christmastown

The Don is dead, and the streets of Christmastown are about to run red and green. Rudolph’s got a mean streak, the Elves are tired of being stepped on, and Carrot-Nose is playing the long game. From gingerbread gangsters to snowman hitmen, every family wants a piece of the sleigh. But only one will wear the big red coat when the peppermint dust settles.

The news has already hit the streets of Christmastown. The big man, Don Santa de los Gordos, is dead. Funeral is on Sunday, twenty-fifth of December.

“Murder,” his wife says, muerte, and the word trickles down the halls of the dead Don’s mansion in a stream of quick whispers. I’m standing on the corner of Holly Street and Butterscotch Lane when the first shots between the Elves and the Reindeer family are fired.

Alliances between families in the Don’s empire have always been unreliable. Now, with the big man’s death, the Elves and the Reindeer are at each other’s throats. The men of the Gingerbread family are claiming they have the right to the protection money collected in the bakery district, and they’re willing to go to war for it. Only the Snow men seem to be playing it cool, tiptoeing around, staying frosty to see which family comes out on top before making any big moves.

Or so it seems on the surface.

But I know the big kahuna of the Snow family. Carrot-Nose, they call him, a real ice-cold killer who shanked his own father with an icicle because he was tired of waiting for the old man to retire and pass his top hat on to the next in line. Already, Carrot-Nose has got a flurry of people moving behind the scenes, real special snowflake types, good with numbers, good with odds. If anyone knows who’s in a position to win this fight, to fill the void left by the death of the Man in Red, it’s probably Carrot-Nose.

Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was behind the Don’s murder. I wouldn’t be surprised if when the chestnut smoke and the peppermint clears, he rises as Christmastown’s next Don.

But don’t tell no one I told ya.

There’s rumors on the street, though, rumors that Carrot-Nose and his buddy Coal-Buttons are setting the Elves up to take a fall, a big fall, feeding them false information about where and when Rudolph Reindeer is going to make his next move. You know how it is with the Reindeer family — you piss one of them off, the last thing you hear is clip-clop on your rooftop, and then Rudolph himself is standing in your living room with your family wrapped up in rope like presents at his feet. Needless to say, they command a lot of respect in the community, and no one, not even the Don while he was alive, ever wanted to cross old Rudolph twice.

But that red nose. Yeah, bit of a drinking problem. Quick temper. I heard they found his barber in the Eggnog River after he took a little too much off the top of the old man’s coiffure. For the longest time, the young guy leading the Elves was scared to death of him, we all were, but the Don’s death has given the kid some cojones, you know? He probably thinks that he can swing the families toward snuffing out the Reindeer family’s games in Christmastown once and for all.

Gotta give him credit, though. The kid leading the Elf family is charismatic, quick, and most of all, a hard worker. He comes from good stock, son of a toymaker, spent some time dabbling in the industry himself before he got into the union racket.

But he’s no Rudolph. The Reindeer family — they’re old blood, old money, and they’ve got a reputation to uphold. They’ve got a lot of territory, strip clubs, illegal gambling rings — lucrative stuff. In a straight fight, man to man, I’d put my money on Rudolph’s gang. No question there.

And with Carrot-Nose possibly backing the old man, it’s even more of a sure bet the Reindeer family are going to be the reigning kings of Christmastown before the season is over.

But the men of the Gingerbread family are the wild card in the equation. You know the boys I’m talking about. Old man died a few years back, left the gang to his three sons: Crusty Dan, Crumbly Joe, and Reginald “Gumdrop Buttons” the Third. Nobody thinks they’re much of a threat. The three boys always spend all their time and cash on fast girls and faster cars. Before the Don died, they had a reputation for running away from fights. “Can’t catch a Gingerbread man,” they used to say, but since the Man in Red was put in the ground, the Gingerbreads haven’t run from a single fight.

In fact, they’re expanding.

Don’t go around the bakery district if you have any sense in ya. Used to be Snow territory, you know, but Carrot-Nose’s people are pulling out without much of a fight, leaving it to the Gingerbread sons.

Too many bodies. Too many dead Snow men. I went around there once to meet a contact about picking up some sugar plums, you know, for a little recreational relaxation, and you could smell the cinnamon in the air. Turns out, just a few minutes before I rolled in, cops found another one of Snow’s guys full of holes, melting in the middle of the street. Poor mug was just trying to hustle candy canes to the working men. Never even saw what hit him.

There’s got to be a reason why the Snow family hasn’t hit the Gingerbreads back yet. Maybe they’re waiting for the right opportunity to really stick it to the boys. Maybe they have a deal. Maybe it’s all a show, and everybody’s coming together to oust old man Rudolph and drive the Reindeer family out of Christmastown forever.

One thing’s for sure. This town ain’t ever gonna be the same again, not now that Don Santa de los Gordos is gone. If it were me, I’d still throw my lot in with Rudolph if I found myself having to pick a side. He’s got money. Money buys everything, even loyalty and alliances. He’s not afraid to play dirty, and if he’s got the Snow family in his back pocket, it’s only a matter of time before he becomes the new Man in Red. The Elves, they’re all working stiffs and factory types. All their money is tied up in construction and public works. They run the unions, they’ve got the people on their side, and they might even be able to swing an alliance with the Gingerbread boys, but they aren’t well-armed, aren’t well connected outside of Christmastown, and they’re mostly family men, not killers. Not like the guys on the payroll of the Reindeer family.

Can’t say I wouldn’t like to see Rudolph’s head mounted over the Elf kid’s mantle, though. Now that would be a sight. No one would ever screw with the Elves again after seeing that.

That would only be if the kid can find a way to bring the families together against Rudolph, though. Maybe, maybe if he can be cold enough, smart enough, deadly enough. Maybe, if he can make the alliances, bring the Gingerbreads around to his side, even convince the Snows to take up arms against Rudolph, he might have a shot at the big chair. I wouldn’t mind that scenario. Kid’s young, but his heart’s in the right place, so he might just make the best Don this town has seen in years.