Weird Super Short Stories

“Wonderful! A retarded Barbie? I suppose that was made in honor of all you lifetime collectors.”

“That’s a horrible thing to say, Herb! It was a very kind thing for the Barbie folks to do. Now, truly everyone can find a place in Barbie world.”

“Really, Brenda? What about crazy 57-year-old overweight women who insist on living a fantasy life vicariously by collecting and hoarding stupid dolls? Where do those women fit in, Brenda?”

Brenda was taken aback for a moment, then regained her calm and said, “I’ll have you know, Herbert Weinstock, we Barbie enthusiasts are much more than collectors. We are the caretakers of the Barbie universe. That responsibility is a great and noble task. As you have so eloquently demonstrated by your juvenile comments, it can be a challenging duty, fraught with criticism and ridicule from those who are simply too ignorant to understand.”

“Ignorant? Ignorant? Look, Brenda. I’ve had it! I’m going to work, and when I get home, these dolls better be gone, or I’m going to pile them up in the backyard and burn them.”

Brenda screamed, “You… you wouldn’t! You couldn’t do something so horrible. You wouldn’t dare!”

“I most certainly would and most definitely will! Mark my words, Brenda!”

With that final declaration, Herbert left for the office, slamming the front door behind him. The impact caused several boxed Barbie toys to fall from their shelves. When one of the boxes fell, it revealed a small opening that had been cut into the wall and which was hidden by one of the boxes. Brenda reached into the void and retrieved a very special Barbie character. She had created it by modifying a damaged Ken doll she had picked up at a flea market. It was one Herbert had never seen.

I heard another sound, which seemed to be the mournful cry of some sad and pathetic creature coming from deep inside the jungle, sending chills pulsating throughout my body.

Yet, I continued to walk deeper into the jungle as if unable to control my body’s movements. It was surrealistic, and for a moment, I wondered if I might be dreaming. I passed through the jungle along the winding path without being accosted and eventually exited the massive wall of tall trees to find myself at the base of the extensive mountain range.

In the distance, at the base of the nearest mountain, I saw a large opening to what appeared to be a cave. I would have missed this had it not been for the eerie fluorescent blue glow emanating from inside, causing the opening to look like a giant pale blue eye against the blackness of the mountain face.

I walked toward the opening having no more idea why than I had when I walked through the jungle. Behind me, I could hear that unidentifiable mournful cry, which a chorus of similar cries had now joined. I felt as if they were trying to warn me against going inside the cave.

However, I knew nothing would stop me as I was drawn into the cave. Strangely, the glowing blue light seemed to calm me in a way I couldn’t begin to explain. Yet the closer I got to the iridescent opening, the louder the warning cries from deep in the jungle became.

I turned and saw hundreds of pairs of silvery red eyes glimmering in the blackness. I took a deep breath and passed through the cavernous entrance.

Brad said, “Dude, she’s not the ‘real deal.’ Nobody is the ‘real deal.’ It’s all about tricks and illusion. None of it even comes close to being real. And no matter what you might want to believe, your ‘Mistress of Black Magic’ is as phony balonie as any other sidewalk magician out there. But, I am curious to see if she’s as hot as you’ve claimed.”

“She is, Brad; maybe hotter. She’s got a set of humongous mockatushkies that won’t quit. Look, up on the front of the theater; there’s a poster with a bunch of her pictures.”

Brad approached the poster, expecting to see some cheap, less-than-attractive Elvira wannabe dressed like a vampiress with dyed black hair, dark eye makeup, and matching long black fingernails. But he was pleasantly surprised by what he saw. The poster displayed seven photos of a lovely blonde magician with blood red lipstick, who appeared to be close to six feet tall, performing various magic tricks. In each picture, she was dressed in the same stage costume. She wore shiny red thigh-high boots with four-inch elevated heels. Black fishnet stockings were held up by gold garters attached to a black and gold bustier with gold frills used to accent her abundant cleavage. She wore a red half-top with short sleeves, allowing plenty of the aforementioned cleavage to be seen. Gold and black armbands covered her elbows.

To battle this problem of cheating on Samantha, he drank quite a bit, which always loosened his lips on the matter, and resulted in Darren bedding whatever female was available in the bar. The first year, he was very suspicious of everything, human, nonhuman, animal, and even cigarette machines, he thought they were Samantha spying on him. As a matter of fact, in a state of drunkenness, Darren once took his S&W snub-nose .38 and assassinated a small black cat.